I’ve recently been working meditations on Love and how it influences my life. In order to sort out my own thought on the matter I first decided to settle on what I believe Love is. Not from a physiological perspective, but the purely subjective experience I ‘feel’ for others.
I read several internet treatises on the subject and numerous magazine articles (none of which agreed with any other), then I stumbled across the early writings of the Greek authors on the subject. I quickly came to realize that this is how I have viewed Love myself. Multiple aspects that blend into some conglomerate which become my emotional affect in relating to others in my life.
I will provide the definitions (stolen from Wikipedia) which I have chosen to work from so that we are all on the same page from the beginning. In no particular order they are:
- Eros – a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love
- Ludus – a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest
- Storge – an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity
- Pragma – love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative
- Mania – highly volatile love; obsession; fueled by low self-esteem
- Agape – selfless altruistic love; spiritual; motherly love
Throughout my life I have experienced most of these in one form or another. As I began to reflect on them I also realized that memories of each person I have loved, whether they are still part of my life or not, still resonate in my mind with all the feelings attached.
I don’t think I have ever experienced Eros fully, nor do I feel Pragma guides my relationships. I have experienced Mania (mostly in my younger years), Ludos (While in the Army), and Agape. But the vast majority of my relationships fall firmly within the Storge experience. I further realized that within each style I have experienced there has always been more than one person that that particular affection was directed towards. What does that mean for me that I am capable of loving multiple people in every way simultaneously? Is that a rare trait? Is it common in humans?
As I began to consider these thoughts and conducted more research I was introduced to the concept of Polyamory. Much of the information available deals with this concept purely in the form of multiple (consenting) partner sexual relationships, but to me that is extremely limited thinking. I wanted to extend or perhaps distil this into the simplest concept. “We are all capable of loving more than one person at a time.”
While this seems obvious in the extreme since we all know that we love our families, we love our friends, hopefully we love our spouses, we (humanity in this case) get really touchy about the subject of polyamory. Historically there are plenty of examples of polyamorous attitudes in successful societies. From biblical stories through ancient Greek and Roman empires to the middle ages, and even as recently as the LDS church practicing Polygyny (They didn’t really practice Polygamy as that would have allowed women to have multiple husbands which was strictly verboten). Some of the existing Fundamentalist Mormon faiths still endorse this practice.
Why then if we are all capable of Polyamory does our modern society explicitly prevent its open practice when it comes to forming marital bonds. Is preventing this practice beneficial to society? Is it a knee jerk reaction to personal discomfort, and if so why? Could it simply be a dogmatic issue?
There are always more questions and each time I find answers for myself this leads to further enlightenment. For now I am content to leave these last unanswered as I continue to discover how Polyamoric Storge is influencing my life.
Tags: Agape, Eros, Love, Ludos, Mania, Polyamory, Polygamy, Polygyny, Pragma, Storge
September 26, 2009 at 6:05 pm |
I find this very interesting!
Our research has led us to different definitions of agape love. Ryan and I share Eros & Agape love. Agape, simply distilled, being “wanting the best for the other person to the point of self sacrifice”
If you say that you have never fully experienced eros, then a lot of the responsibility for resolution of that relies on you, yourself, and resonates to your partner. Adding other partners reflects mania, IMHO.
Polyamory is a truth, again based on my own research. I feel all versions of love for multiple people in my life, and am free to explore that love, with the permission and indulgence of my husband, TO A POINT. To follow toward eros with another person, would interfere with the agape experience that I share with my lifemate.
Crap! We are all leaving, and I have more to say. My final thought for the moment would be that until I had exhausted all permutations of true love with my husband, that focusing my interests outside my marriage would be a betrayal.
September 26, 2009 at 8:11 pm |
Thanks for the comment Mrs. K. I will expound briefly on my initial mental explorations to perhaps clarify a thing or two. When I speak of never experiencing Eros I am not referring to just my present relationship but instead that after much reflection I have discovered that I am not wired to experience Eros. I have had plenty of opportunities, but even in my younger years when dating I never was drawn towards that aspect of a relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I can talk the talk and even put on airs but I think that comes from growing up in our modern society with such a strong influence on how young men are supposed to be. I have had 17 (aggregate) years of marriage (divorced once and remarried) and years in the dating pool for me to reflect upon, and while I can be emotionally close to others on a friendship or perhaps a cherishing sort of way, I cannot fully enter the realm of emotional sensuality. When you return, (or any other time
) I would like to hear the remainder of your thoughts. As you I am sure understand, my meanderings are a means for me to better understand myself. Everyone’s comments will force me to think and re-think what I am discovering about myself in this loooong process.
Thanks